


Change

by NotEvenThat



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Growth, Developing Relationship, Hopeful and Happy, Lorenzo Rey- Centric, M/M, POV Lorenzo Rey, Post-Episode: s03e22 All Good Things..., Post-Final, Self-Reflection, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, implied slow burn, self improvement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 13:26:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19296673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenThat/pseuds/NotEvenThat
Summary: Lorenzo takes a moment to reflect on everything Magnus Bane brought into his life over the past few months, as well as the future to come.





	Change

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering why this was deleted and posted again: I have an extension on my browser that makes the word 'house' blue every time that it shows up and apparently, it just deletes the highlighted word all together when I use it and post it in a fic. I used the word house a lot here. I'm glad I caught it but I've had that installed for so long so that probably happened in other fics where I used the word less and didn't notice. Uh. Well. Here you go again! Full words and everything!

Lorenzo had never really had a home. Not a real one anyway. He’d been born into a house, sure but it had been one in which no one had wanted him. The house he’d lived in during his childhood had never been a real home to him and when he’d finally been kicked out, hardly old enough to care for himself, he’d mourned the loss of a family he’d never had but he hadn’t wanted to that place either. 

Lorenzo had bought himself a house eventually but that’s all that it was to him. It had been a house and even though he owned it, even though it had been one of the first places he’d ever been truly accepted (because there was no one else around to deny him), it had simply been a house. A large, empty, meaningless house. 

Even the things he’d filled his house with had been useless. He collected things. They were things that he liked sure, but things that were meant to impress regardless. He collected things that were meant to put on a show, to inspire awe from the people that Lorenzo didn’t have at the time, still didn’t have now. For a very long time, Lorenzo didn’t have anything at all that really meant anything to him. He didn’t think he knew what it meant to have something sentimental for a long time. 

Though, he hadn’t really seen it that way until he’d walked through Magnus’ loft for the first time. Lorenzo had hated Magnus so much and the only thing he’d felt being in his home for the first time was even more anger. Magnus was the vilest, most arrogant person that Lorenzo had ever met and yet, he had all of these people that loved him. He had all of these people that would be willing to lay down their lives for him in an instant and his home was scattered with evidence of that. 

Magnus didn’t fill his home with useless things. He didn’t have to because even just walking through for the brief moments that Lorenzo did, he saw the love that Magnus Bane had collected for himself. He saw the evidence of it scattered around everywhere. 

He saw a worn piece of sea glass resting on Magnus’ window sile. It was worthless and yet, Lorenzo could see the thumb-sized dip in the center of it, where someone had held it enough times to wear it down in their grasp. He wondered how many centuries of holding a piece of glass it took to make that happen. He wondered if whoever gave it to him knew that he would hold onto it for so long. 

It wasn’t just the glass either. Everywhere, Lorenzo saw little worthless things that probably didn’t mean anything to anyone but Magnus. There was an old handbound book resting on his shelf, one written and addressed directly to him. There were letters shoved on the highest shelf of his bookcase, so old that the pages had turned yellow and the ink had long faded. 

He remembered wondering how Alec lived with his husband in a space so clearly marked by all the people who had loved Magnus in the past. Even more than that though, he’d wondered what Magnus had done to deserve all of that love so effortlessly and what he had done so wrong to not. He wondered what was so special about Magnus that everyone just fell for him. 

Even when Lorenzo had hated him, part of him had wanted to reach up onto that shelf and pull down those letters. Part of him had wanted to just read through them and see what had possibly been written that Magnus had held on to for so long. He wondered if Magnus ever sat down at night and pulled those letters down to read them. He wondered if he looked if the creases of those pages would be worn and frayed from being opened and refolded again and again. 

Lorenzo had loved many people before. He hadn’t lied to Alexander when he’d asked but walking through Magnus’ home, he’d wondered if he’d ever had someone love him as deeply as those who loved Magnus seemed to. He wondered if he’d ever loved someone as deeply as that and he didn’t think that he had. He couldn’t compare any of the love he’d had to Alexander and Magnus’. He couldn’t even begin to and walking through Magnus’ home for the first time, he’d been so deeply and undeniably jealous. 

What had Magnus Bane done to be deserving of all of this affection that he had not? Not only from the whole of the downworld but from every single person that loved Magnus- and there were many that Lorenzo had seen. 

He was jealous. He’d been jealous since the moment he’d heard the way people spoke of  _ Magnus Bane _ . He’d wanted more than anything for people to talk about him like that. He’d wanted people to murmur about him when he wasn’t around, like they did Magnus.  _ Did you hear that Lorenzo fought against the circle? Did you hear that Lorenzo saved her all by himself? Did you hear that Lorenzo is throwing a party next week? I hope we get invited. _

His whole life, he’d wanted to be loved. He’d wanted to be admired. He’d wanted to be seen as good and Magnus seemed to convince people that he was those things effortless, even though Lorenzo didn’t think that he was. Everyone loved Magnus, except the very few that didn’t and even those few, they had stories to tell about him. They talked of Magnus and their voices took on that same awed hushed tone that everyone’s seemed to when they spoke of him. Lorenzo learned that no one really hated Magnus. People pretend that they hated him because it brought them closer to him. They pretend that they hated him because then everyone wanted to know why-  _ Oh, you don’t like Magnus? Why? How, what happened? Did you hear last week that he _ -

Lorenzo had felt like he was the only person in the entire world who had seen through Magnus’ act. Lorenzo hadn’t hated him the way so many others pretend too. Lorenzo had hated him with all of his being. Even just the thought of him had bubbled anger inside his chest. He’d hated Magnus so much and he’d been so furious that of everyone, he was the only one who could see what Magnus truly was. 

He was a crook. He had no regard for rules or authority, even the authority supposedly governing their people. He was rash and quick to dangerous decisions. He was easily overcome with emotion instead of seeing the situation as it truly was and Lorenzo knew that the only reason Magnus had gotten where he was despite all of that was because of his father. 

Magnus would not have gotten away with any of the things that he did, had he not been so powerful. His powers were the only thing that drew people to him and without them- Well, he’d be like Lorenzo, wouldn’t he? He’d be forgotten about, overlooked at every opportunity, always overshadowed by someone else.

The first time he’d walked through Magnus’ house, he’d been so filled with rage. Before that point, he’d lived under the assumption that the world loved Magnus Bane in the same way that mundanes flocked to their celebrities: fake, artificial and void of any real love or fondness. When he’d walked through Magnus’ house though, it had been so obvious he’d been wrong. 

Just when he’d thought he and Magnus had something in common too. 

Lorenzo felt a little different now. It was hard to admit that you were wrong, even after your feels had completely changed. Especially in a case where he’d been so open and insistent on his disapproval of Magnus. Hell, he’d practically made a public declaration of it. Lorenzo saw what other people saw in Magnus, at least a little bit. 

People loved Magnus because he was selfless. He’d saved Idris and the world, thinking he’d never be able to see anyone he knew ever again, thinking that he’d never return to the world he’d called home. Lorenzo tried not to think about what he’d done, had he been in that situation that day. He knew he wouldn’t have made the same choice as Magnus. He’d have wanted to be the kind of person who would but he wouldn’t have done it. He was selfish like that. 

The Downworld raved about Magnus Bane because they’d seen him do things like this time and time again. Lorenzo had thought of the stories he’d heard again and instead of rolling his eyes, he really, really thought about it for the first time. He thought of every story in which Magnus Bane had nearly killed himself protecting someone else. He thought of every story in which Magnus had gone above and beyond what was expected of him as High Warlock to protect his people. He thought of every story in which Magnus had done exactly what Lorenzo knew had gotten him stuck in Edom in the first place. 

Lorenzo should have known though because in a world like theirs, all the legends were true in the end. 

Not all of his feelings had changed after his little vacation into the underworld. He’d hadn’t been completely off target with his initial assessment of Magnus. He still thought Magnus was rash. He was quick to dangerous decisions, especially when the people he loved were involved. He didn’t bend easily to authority: Instead, he ground his feet into the dirt and stood his ground. He was also blindsided by his emotions but Lorenzo thought that maybe that wasn’t the most horrible thing in the world. 

He also thought that Magnus Bane was the best High Warlock he’d ever met, with the title or without. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever gain the courage to speak those words to Magnus out loud but he’d thought them now more than once. 

Lorenzo was the High Warlock now though. He’d held the title for months but this was the first time he’d really considered what it meant beyond something he managed to take from his rival. He was the  _ High Warlock _ and those words seemed to hold weight for the first time. He thought that if he could learn to even be a little bit as selfless as Magnus was that he’d consider it a success. 

Magnus had also made Lorenzo realize that he did not have a home. He didn’t think that he ever truly had. Lorenzo had a place where he kept his items. He had many places actually and perhaps that was part of the problem. After becoming the High Warlock, he’d settled down in his New York estate. He’d lived in it (excluding the few days he’d spent in Magnus’ loft) since that and looking back, Lorenzo realized that it was the longest he’d spent in one place in a very long time. 

He’d spent a lot of his life jumping around from estate to estate, residing in whatever location was fashionable that season but he’d never stayed long enough to get attached to anyone or to let anyone get attached to him. It was better to flee than to stay and be disappointed. 

Now though, that seemed to have changed. Lorenzo wasn’t sure if New York would be his home in the way it seemed to be to Magnus. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever walk through the streets with the same familiar easy that only someone who’d grown in the area could possess but he liked New York and at the very least, he didn’t imagine he’d be leaving anytime soon.

New York wasn’t home to him but it was beginning to feel more like a home than any of the countless places he’d lived before. Things at his actual house had begun to change as well. Lorenzo sorted through his entire estate one slow morning, considering everything he’d collected in a light he’d failed to view it before. He got rid of countless painting that people always praised but he’d always secretly dislike. He’s sent a good chunk of the statues lining his hallways away and hadn’t rushed to replace them with something even more priceless. Instead, he let the space stay empty. He’d find something to put there, he’d thought. Something that he actually liked. 

Something else began to change at his house too, all because of a certain shadowhunter that had entered his life recently. Andrew had been coming over for a few weeks now, sometimes just stopping in if he was in the area and had a few moments to space. They had hardly even kissed and Lorenzo found it refreshing, in an odd way. 

Normally, he’d have cut Andrew off by now. If he reached a third date with someone and they hadn’t kissed yet, that was a clear sign that they weren’t interested or at the very least, they weren’t as interested as he always seemed to be. Traditionally, you were supposed to have at least kissed by the third date. With Andrew though, Lorenzo found it hard to be concerned with it. He wasn’t sure if it was something about his change in perspective or something special about Andrew himself but he just enjoyed the man’s company. He liked it when Andrew came over. He liked talking to him. 

Anything they should have done by now seemed meaningless. Lorenzo just liked his presence and that was that. Slowly, Andrew had started to leave things in his house too. Lorenzo wasn’t sure if he’d even noticed but he certainly had. It was nothing as terribly personal as anything he’d stared longingly at in Magnus’ house, nor was it anything even relatively important but Lorenzo still felt a little touched by it regardless. 

First, Andrew had left a jacket at his house. It was a dark leather hunting jacket that all the Shadowhunters seemed to have a version of. Andrew hadn’t even noticed he’d forgotten it, so clearly it wasn’t that important to him but Lorenzo still felt a little happy when he’d hung it in his closet and stepped back to stare at it. It felt nice, having something of someone else's hanging there. 

Andrew had also left a stele in his house, after he’d come over one early morning, dressed casually with a surprising lack of weapons on his belt. He said he didn’t have to be at the Institute until that afternoon. He’d also said he left his stele because he wasn’t sure exactly how Lorenzo felt about seeing it (something that surprised him with how thoughtful it was and how much that thoughtfulness meant to him).

He asked him later, if Lorenzo would mind horribly if he left a spare stele in his house somewhere, just for emergencies only. Lorenzo had agreed a little too readily and now, it sat in the table side drawer in the entry hallway. Andrew hadn’t needed to use it yet and Lorenzo hadn’t touched it since it had been put there but he felt a little bubble in his chest at the knowledge that it was there. 

It wasn’t a pile of love letters. It wasn’t some grand expression of love for Lorenzo to hold onto for centuries to come. Lorenzo wasn’t even sure if he and Andrew would ever reach a point where they’d care about each other that much but it was something. It was a little hint of someone else in Lorenzo’s life that had spent enough time with him to leave their things there.

Lorenzo liked Andrew. He liked him quite a bit, a little more than he was willing to admit but it all meant a lot more than just Andrew himself. Lorenzo felt like he had opened himself up for the first time in a very long time and he felt like that was partly due to Magnus. 

Everything in his life recently had traced back to Magnus. He got his job here because of Magnus. He’d taken the job because he didn’t like Magnus. He’d moved his life to New York because of Magnus. He’d made most of his choices as High Warlock, the good and the bad, because of Magnus. He’d thrown that party in his new house because he’d wanted to throw his new position in Magnus’ face. He’d lied about fixing the ley lines because he wanted to make Magnus mad. He’d taken Magnus’ apartment, agreed to help him and then agreed to go to Edom with Alec to try and save Magnus  _ because _ of Magnus. 

He’d realized he was a bad person because of Magnus. He’d realized that there was more to life than just the objects he’d collected to shelter himself, because of Magnus. He’d realized that just because he hadn’t had anyone to care about him when he was younger, didn’t mean that he never would have someone who cared about him and he’d realized it, unsurprisingly, because of Magnus. 

He’d been invited to the wedding when Magnus had decided to invite him. He’d met Andrew and let Andrew flirt with him because of Magnus. He’d made himself say yes when Andrew asked if he wanted to get drinks sometime because of Magnus and he’d swallowed his nervousness and forced himself to actually go meet him because he thought of Magnus and how lovingly Alexander looked at him. 

He wanted someone to look at him like that. He wanted someone to protect him like that. He wanted someone to care about him like that, all because of Magnus. 

Magnus fucking Bane, one of the people he’d hated most in the world for a very long time. Lorenzo found it hard to look back and remember how much he’d hated him. He saw how biased he truly was against the man and now, his anger just seemed petty. Most of his life seemed petty now, if Lorenzo was being honest. 

He wouldn’t have been able to imagine when he’d first moved to New York that Magnus Bane would change his life. He wouldn’t have imagined that Magnus would bring anything good into his life, except for the vicious gleeful success of defeating a foe. He wouldn’t have imagined that he’d attend Magnus’ wedding and stand there, grinning, feeling truly so happy for him. He wouldn’t have imagined he’d walk through Edom with Alexander Lightwood, Magnus’ fiance, and admire him. 

He wouldn’t have imagined any of the things that Magnus, or his hatred of him, would bring him but even warlocks were unable to see the future. Lorenzo sat in New York, in a house that was slowly growing into a home, in a city that was beginning to feel more familiar every day, with people who were beginning to feel more and more like friends and less like acquaintances and with a man, a shadowhunter even, who Lorenzo hoped he’d continue to see. 

Lorenzo was happy for the first time in so long and he hadn’t even realized he had been unhappy before. He was excited to do his job and do it well. He was hopeful for the future, all of it, whatever it brought to him but for now, Lorenzo had a lunch date with a handsome young man, as long as no demons came to interrupt them. 

**Author's Note:**

> This took me way too long to finish. 
> 
> Also! I have a new twitter account. I'm @teethontheside. Please come talk to me about Shadowhunters.


End file.
